8:50 p.m. - 11/26/03
stunning monochrome.
What can I say? I found the grey... Dave asked me to find it, and I did. (Oh, that this was all he meant.) I need to call again. I need to call, but I've no idea who I could talk to...and I haven't spoken with Sara since the day she called to tell me she was going back inpatient. I don't like not having spoken with her, but I'm avoiding calling her. I'm avoiding everything, honestly. I'm struggling with how horribly yesterday went and with everything I've been struggling with for weeks... I like this layout, but I don't think it works with my uber-extensive entries.
I suppose I could start writing shorter ones. Still bad. Still here. Still working. Still. ...Sometimes, reading someone's ring list is enough to make me want to throw all the recovery-rallying work I do away. Forget it. All you think you are is an eating disorder; forget it. You want to get better, but you aren't going to work, so forget it. I'm jumping around. I already said all that's happened and most of how I've felt. Everything I feel for which I've words.
The rest I keep between the lines, and honestly, I don't think there's space enough this time... I want a layout that knows me, and that's a tall order, considering I barely know myself.
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