7:20 p.m. - 11/24/01
temporarily. possessed
Guess who just got off the phone with Brea and is *not* bawling her eyes out?? Oooh, me! In fact I'm on a total high because life feels so good right now. I mean, life in general still feels shitty, and I'm sure as soon as I realize that she's sooo far away and I'm, eh-hem, where I am, I'll feel sad again, but I talked to Brea!!! :-) I wonder what she'd think if she read this entry. Oh, well. She's used to me babbling about how good she is. I did beg her to adopt me after all...
Isn't it amazing that the people who make your life super-bearable are the people whose voices make you breathe again? I heard her answer, and I was just like oh-my-gosh, and it's such a relief knowing that she knows me, and she's not forgetting me, and she still talks to me like a friend. We made a plan for New York, and I feel a thousand times better about the trip just because it's a daring experiment we've planned and...last time I experimented in this way, it worked beautifully!
(Brea witnessed that, too...it was at Stacy's suggestion that time, though. Actually, Stacy *ordered* it...Brea "suggested" - Stacy ordered.) :-)
The best part I refuse to mention even in this journal because I promised to keep it secret, but I will say that I no longer feel I've gone from supportivebeautifulpeople all the time to never at all. I have a rose in December, and it's not just a remembered one.
Hee hee!
(It's ten times better than being on the window crank...and I didn't need that to be remembered after all.)
lovemelovemeloveme
Brea has red hair and she loves SpongeBob and she is a really wonderful mom who tells her daughter at least once a day that no matter what she does she will still be loved and she has told me this same thing and reminded me numerous times that it is true while crocheting beautiful blankets out of homespun yarn, drawing cute pictures, and making everything neat and gramatically correct with the same brand of OCD I have...
Brea is a dancer and a coach and none of the girls on her squad will ever have eating disorders because Brea is strong and she will help them be strong the way she has grown to be, the way she has helped me to be, and when I think about all the shit the world put her through I want to rip the skin off someone and/or cry my eyes out but what it comes down to is that I'll just keep loving her instead because eventually the world will balance out and it will not be against the rules for us to be in each other's lives full form.
She told me I don't have to change who I am in New York, just change how I feel about it. Be me, confident. A new concept, surely, but sometimes her crazy ideas are gold.
chord
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