8:11 p.m. - 06/26/03
ennervate.
[This entry contains an obscene amount of Harry Potter references. If you aren't yet finished with The Order of the Phoenix (and don't wish to have it spoiled), or if you find such talk offensive, or if you've heard far too much HP babbling for the week, feel free to skip away.]
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I finished the book early this morning, after my five or six hours of sleep, waiting for dawn. I had given up on "savoring" it within a few hours of acquiring the volume. When I didn't manage to quit reading that first day for six or seven hours, I knew I was toast. I was hooked from the beginning, to the intensity I normally am in the climax; I assume because it was so much more clearly an installation in the greater series than an individual Harry Potter quest. I was in my bedroom, torn between my inability to put it down and my fear about the impending death of a main character. In many ways, reading the book - for me - was like being Molly Weasley in the scene with the boggart. I was keeping constant tabs on every character (like the enchanted clock, constantly checking to see who was in "mortal peril"), specifically those that I felt incapable of losing. (So of course, I saw them go down the most often.) By the third or fourth chapter to the end I felt like I'd already been in enough agony; they'd all died and been revived so many times that certainly it wouldn't catch me off guard when someone actually did. But then I thought about actual life, and I knew that no amount of worried obsessing could prepare me to lose someone. I didn't see much distinction between the fictitious and real worlds (I've never been good at seeing that distinction), and I knew that no amount of "it's just a book" would be comfort to me if the loss struck hard. Because it had very little to do with the book and everything to do with me. It has everything to do with where I am, what I need, what the actual realities of my life are. I suppose everyone has their different loyalties based on their different needs in the moment. I know I've developed new favorite characters as I reread the books.
Anyway, the loss itself didn't strike me as hard as I thought it would. I almost feel guilty saying that, but it's true in both the real and fictitious worlds, that some losses hit harder than others - even losses of people. I responded a lot more to the aftermath - Harry's grief, his last connection of family ruined, Dumbledore's compassion - than I did to the death of Sirius himself. I'd been thoroughly pissed off at Sirius for a good portion of the book, but more importantly, I hadn't lost my guardian. My guardian at Hogwarts is Dumbledore. He's the one wizard Voldemort feared, the one certainty that those withing Hogwarts are safe. He's the wise (but fallible! whoo!) old wizard with the spark of knowledge, mischief, and a good joke in his eye. I felt safe with Dumbledore still there, and I had the added bonus of seeing all my favorite chararcters - McGonagall, Ginny, Hagrid (and of course Ron, Hermione, etc) - make it out virtually unscathed. Ok, Harry did not make it out unscathed, but that's part of what I love about the way the books are evolving: there's a great deal of complication, darkness, pain, et cetera. And what makes any fantasy real (to me) is having characters who, even in that fantastic world, still feel emotions so keenly and true to form, that I have to pause and say, "Godd...that's how I've been feeling."
Things don't tie up neatly, the lines between good and evil aren't clearly set. I loved the horror of Umbridge, the woman with a temperament like "poisoned honey" - who I swear is so like my freshman geometry teacher it's frightening - but I loved the fact that she wasn't connected to Voldemort even more. That line about the world not being made up of good people and Death Eaters was pretty brilliant in my opinion. I loved the so-called "dark" sides of all the good characters - the positively despicable Percy, (why does that sound like Daffy Duck?) - the rage inside Harry (who wouldn't be going crazy at this point, in his skin? and I have to say I allowed myself to sympathize a little; as a female wizard^ myself, having had to face more than my share of darkness, I sympathized...I did get annoyed with him at the same time, though. Now that's good writing. I felt where he was coming from, and I wanted to hex him when he kept biting off the heads of his friends...), and best of all, in my opinion - James. It doesn't only give us some new information on Snape (for instance, he may be a total snake, but he hasn't been lying); it makes Harry's identity so much more powerful. He's not just the spitting image of his father (with his mother's eyes.) He doesn't come from the perfect world, charmed for good things, broken by Voldemort. Like Dela said, it's so much more interesting to have his character be a product of the shit he's faced than of his lineage.
Other things I loved: Ginny! I've had an affinity toward Ginny since the beginning - mainly, I believe, because she's the youngest child, but she's been developed like a dream. She's so powerful now. She's taken her life into her own hands, not waiting for anyone to direct her or tell her how she should be. She's no longer doting over Harry, instead she's making Ron crazy by *dating* of all things (which I loved; if Ginny has to date, her brother's complete inability to deal with it is a nice consolation prize) and asking Harry why he's too much of a dolt to realize that she's been possessed by Voldemort and could give him actual information on the subject. I loved every situation she forced entry into - the fact that she's been practicing Quidditch since she was six (I swear, she's the only character who could take Seeker away from Harry and have my approval), the attention she's paid to Fred and George, her refusal to be excluded to her age. She's rocking completely beyond my expectations. Except (if she has to be coupling...) she needs to ditch Dean and go with Neville. (Didn't they go to the Yule Ball together?) Neville has definitely won huge points. I worried that he was going to die the hero's death in this book, with the presence of Lestrange so strong, but when he didn't, I was thrilled. His development is fabulous. His work in the D.A. proved how competant he is as a wizard (if his grandma would stop telling him he sucks, and the teachers would just quit thinking him a complete idiot - i.e. if he would gain some confidence), and I was absolutely spinning with joy when I found out that he was the other person who could have fulfilled the prophesy. Rowling definitely needs to write a "if Voldemort had attacked the other baby" version. Ok, maybe not. But it's become clear why he's in Gryffindor, and how much he's capable of... And you just have to love Neville.
I so didn't mean to make this entry entirely about Harry Potter, but since that seems to be the course it's taking, what else did I want to say? ...I almost started crying when Mrs. Weasley thanked Harry for saving Arthur's life (which just proves that it's all about where I'm at)...I loved the Fred and George antics. I've always seen them as a bit more heroic than they were believed (and the movies have seriously drained all character out of them...blah), so to see the fury they instated, and the way they left Hogwarts (so on their own terms, so on their own path) thrilled me muchly. I was really glad to get a real explanation for why Harry has to return to the Dursley's every summer. (The previous explanations all seemed a bit forced to me...he could certainly have stayed with someone else in all the other scenarios, but this made sense). I was disappointed that Harry and Cho never managed to be mature enough to actually talk about Cedric, though I didn't really care about their romance. I'm sure there will be more than enough grief-reality in the next book, though - which only leaves me to wonder where I will be in relation to it.
I also loved that the Crucio curse didn't work because Harry didn't really want to inflict pain. More to magic than the words...
Oh, my goodness! Luna Lovegood! I did not get enough Luna Lovegood. I'm sure there's more to happen with her, but I was totally teased by her first few scenes - reading the Quibbler upside-down on the Express, seeing the ...oh, I've lost the name... threstles? pulling the carriage, telling Harry he was as sane as she (whee!), and of course, the fabulous Gryffindor hat. I do believe she's my favorite character to be introduced into the series (i.e. a "new" character after the first book). (Perhaps scuffling a bit with Lupin for the title...)
Oh, and it just occurred to me. Where the hell was Moaning Myrtle? Rowling probably knows, but it's hard to tell. The world has gotten so vast at this point, it's hard for me to believe all the threads are really going to tie together. (Despite the fact that tying threads together is probably her best gift as a writer.) I seriously hope she keeps writing after the seventh book. I know it will be a critical nightmare, but there has to be more fun left in that crazy brain of hers...
There was so much more I wanted to say - and so many better ways I wanted to say it. I wanted to explain how I related to the book, but I suppose that's obvious. I already mentioned the point about facing too much darkness, and of course, Harry's isolation and desperation within that, hit home. I suppose if the words need to come out more importantly they'll do so in time.
As for me, I'm busy noticing the number of HP entries entitled "expecto patronus" - and insist on being different...despite the fact that I was hugely complimented when Dela told me I've come to a point where I could produce a Patronus. And despite the fact that I'm terribly curious what mine would be. I might have to peruse "Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them" in search of possibilities. Until I can make the trip to Ollivander's, that is. Oh, why must Britain be an ocean away?
chord, who knows enough spells to pass her charms O.W.L.
^I just like that term better, damnit.
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