4:50 p.m. - 06/23/02
nothing keeps me up at night...
my head's starting to go foggy again; there's a dull ache beginning, joined by an unsettling sensation in my stomach/chest: the beginnings of nausea brewing. I'm keeping my cool remembering the hell of the past few days; compartively, this ache is nothing. but at the same time, I know what it will grow into, and have no idea why it's happening. is it stress? is it the bit of mint I ate; should I avoid mint from now on? is it some internal, unavoidable reality that I must live with for the rest of my life? too. many. questions.
on a happier note, I've finally finished organizing my mix for Sara, and it's positively beautiful. Utopia, Quiet Little Place, That I Would Be Good, Love Will Come To You, What Do You Hear In These Sounds, Narcolepsy, Second Wind, Walk Away, The Great Unknown, Swan Dive, So Unsexy, Somewhere In Between, 20,000 Seconds, Let It Be Me, Trying, Motorcycle Drive By, Joyful Girl, You're Aging Well, Simon, & Everything's Possible. I suppose that everyone looks at a tape handpicked from their favorites and thinks, "this is incredible!" but seriously, she has to love this tape. it's a surefire, long-distance, recovery-based hug. it's a little rogers in her stereo. :)
I thought I had more to say than this, but either I didn't or my stomach is starting to get to me. something is up with my nerves lately; I'm having panicky moments that I never have without reason. it's like being in school, or being about to leave. it's like there's something to stress over, and there's nothing. I spend random moments in the afternoon feeling like I've just gotten free from a very scary phone call, and the truth is I've been sitting around reading Harry Potter...why?
the cool thing is, the books are great distraction - even the second time around, and I'm completely infatuated with Dumbledore, which didn't happen so thoroughly on the first read. I think I was too into the mystery the first time; I didn't have time to start a fanclub for the Greatest Wizard of All Time. but seriously, I think I'm going to start carrying Dumbledore around with me because in the midst of parents-who-are-siblings-at-most and life-in-the-middle-of-nowhere, I could use a wise and slightly demented guardian. I'd be a good apprentice, methinks.
As I said to my mother this morning, "All the cool kids are in therapy. But you have to be *really special* to have spent some time in a psych hospital."
I dinna lie.
chord
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