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10:15 p.m. - 02/04/03
hungry.
If you don't get lost, there's a chance you may never be found. ~Author Unknown

I think we make the mistake of believing we decide to lose ourselves in that moment when we realize this quote. When we realize that we need to be found, we make the mistake of "choosing to lose ourselves." Because the truth is, anyone who feels that yearning to be found is already lost. And anyone who chooses illness is already ill. It comes upon us more quietly than we would like to know, and we blame ourselves, I guess, to keep from knowing. The truth is, I love you for your need, and forgive you for how you've tried to meet it until now. I want to forgive me.

And right now, I am lost deeply in the rawness in my chest, in the sixth-grade and the early years. Right now I am firmly planted in my progress, and writhing in my past. I'm ravenous for love, delirious with need. Careful not to chew myself to bits inside this hunger. Careful not to suffocate it, I will learn its lessons well. I will ask its questions. I will listen to my pain.

chord

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