5:10 p.m. - 01/05/02
to the day we can call it over and begin to breathe again.
For those of you who read Crow (or those of you who will inevitably do so, now that I've linked to him)...I won't be responding to his last entry more than what I say here. And for Billy himself, since I know now I was naive to think I could so easily block you from my life, I hope for both our sake's this is the last blow. I hope it can be finished now, so that we can continue to heal and deal without new pain.
The words he calls the unholy grail are these. I don't hide them anymore. I was scared and angry and wanted to believe the only person who could hurt me would be a cruel one. God forbid that love on any scale could be hurtful.
These are the words I received today that caused no pain:
"MARY, DARLING!!!!!!! HOW ARE YOU?!!!! I'm so glad to hear from you!!! Ohhh, I really hope I can see you soon! I have missed you so much!!! How were your holidays? I hope they went well! I took lots of pics for you at the start of the year!!! I can't wait for you to see them!!! They're just pictures of the people at school and stuff, but I think you'll be smiling! I hope to HEAR from you soon!!! I have WAY too much to tell you than I can type!!! I Love you lots!!!!"
...
As usual I learn from your journey. And as the "Life of Mary" continues to
evolve and steam full speed ahead the world will benefit from each moment
that you allow yourself to fully experience.
Much much love
Laura
...
Throw another log on the fire; grab a few more friends. Ever more shame has surfaced in the "life of Mary" as she so gently puts it...amazing how there's always more crying to do.
chord
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