8:35 p.m. - 01/31/02
bloog.
I cancelled an appt with Harriet for the first time tonight. It sucks, I suppose, because I may have honestly needed that appointment, but I really don't know how one discusses the more disconcerting aspects of life while trying not to pass out. I mean, I did it for some time, but for some reason, it's easier to withstand sickness when you know it's self-inflicted. Denial is the best stomach-suppresent.
My other thought on the matter was that if this illness I've concocted *is* related to stress, spending one hour delving into issues with a woman who I don't think likes me is probably not the best way to survive. The catch is that talking is the best way to get *through* issues, and if I don't, I could spend tonight like last night, crying until my sinuses were swollen. Tonight it would be due to physical pain though, where as last night it was due to...well...everything but.
It really isn't fair how final death is. I mean, it's one of those things where you think, I've been grieving for so long now - don't I deserve to have her back?
I really hope I have a fever because this level of incoherence without some medical malady to back it up is pretty disturbed.
The best part is the only way to avoid the pain is to sleep, and if you've been paying attention my most recent insurmountable enemy is...yes, that's it exactly: insomnia.
Oooooooooog. I'm going to go attempt sleep for the second time before 9:00. Here's to acting like a six-year-old.
chord
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