5:30 p.m. - 10/23/02
als;djf (sorry)
When did I stop mattering?
When I started to think I didn't. No, that can't be right; I matter even when I feel worthless. I know that. And I know I matter even when I feel like no one's here. I want to matter. I want to have people respond to me when I post on a message board where I am constantly replying. I want people to call me as often as I call them, or more often if I never do. I want doctors to never leave town and to somehow found a way to always be around. I want to quit trying to take care of myself because I don't fucking care. This is stupid, and I hate it. I'm so tired, and I want to be loved, and I'm not damnit; no one here loves me, and I feel completely lost.
�
�
