7:30 p.m. - 11/16/01
shegrievesin heshadows.
So I did call and Stacy did answer, and she somehow managed to make it all better only because she sparked some emotion in me, which reminded me that I am, after all, alive. For better or for worse.
Mom broke the world by telling me that she loved me more than Stacy did. I ran to the lake and bawled. They're already gone. She doesn't need to break the memory of them.
Dear Red,
I am black and blue from missing you.
Love.
I've decided to find a way to halfway grieve. A way that lets me say "yes I did love you and find home in you beyond what I could ever have imagined" but still believes I'll see them again. Like a Christian who doesn't believe the afterlife is all that far away.
(hell.fuck.buddha.)
My parents are fighting. He uses the cell phone too much. She doesn't understand how it works. He puts everything on her. She is suffocating him.
I am typing and no one can touch me. Tomorrow I will go to the lake (I've decided I love the rock by the lake even though still water makes me nervous) and I will write in a book that gives no pressure but simply says, "I love you wholeheartedly and I will not let Mi Madre give me amnesia on that account."
dear red-
i see in black and white
i gag on missing you.
love.
???
fine-
chord
�
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