10:40 p.m. - 11/16/02
write me. i miss you. :heart:
temporary lows:
-feeling very much empty and wondering if a life like my N*land friends live would make me happy...thereby developing some jealous feelings toward the three very-close-friends I've now discovered are in the play, as well as some general upsettedness toward the fact that I simply can't go see it considering the trauma of that Place
-thinking, hey, maybe I'll send them flowers, only to remember that last year when I went to send flowers for Tracy, I didn't get the information in time, and so...didn't get to...*sigh* does anything *not* remind me?
_
happy highs (all natural, of course)
-further transference issues leading to further crushing on a girl I barely know at something fishy (eep...)
-happiness at e-mail and replying by said girl
-socks with little orange tigers on them and cords that make me sing "you know that apple green ice cream can melt in your hands; I said"
-a temporary reprieve from depression allowing a temporary reminder of how good life is when I am me
_
accomplishments:
-setting a boundary to take care of my own needs, despite the fact that I was really scared to do so...keeping myself from running away or being codependent and resulting in major mary-gives-herself-credit-for-rocking-ness
-surviving time out with my mom in crazy busy stores (only 6 more Saturdays until Christmas! better do your shopping now! insanity) without meds
-returning home and eating yet another good meal, after which I ate yet another good meal (which I needed, as I made the silly mistake of going out without realizing that time constraints would keep me from eating lunch that way) despite the fact that I'd "already had dinner" (three meals a day, damnit! three meals a day! :))
-I wrote a letter to Dave
currently attempting to get over my need to achieve incessantly and articulate better who I am, to aid in not forgetting it when next the seratonin struggles to serve. until then, I remain, your faithful correspondent-
the chordling
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