3:00 p.m. - 01/19/03
this not so funny ache.
I just reopened atomgirl, despite the fact that the "new" design is a little messy and the chordchild portion of the archive isn't up to date. I just felt like it was time. I did put a warning in my profile, though, and want to reiterate it here- that atomgirl took place prior to my really finding safety, and so despite some amazing optimism, love, and strength witnessed there (thanks to those of you who remind me of the beauty in those days)...it can be unsafe ground to tread. Be careful, please, if you do visit her.
I woke up with a migraine again this morning, though in a way it's my own fault for procrastinating on taking the new meds. In the meantime, though, I did realize why I'm so nervous about being on them, which I think is a good lesson. I'll have to bring it up with the doc. It's less about the personal feelings of incompetancy I was blaming it on earlier this week...more to do with when I was a child and only felt I could be sick (without people thinking I was "faking") if I didn't receive any attention/ "benefit" (including the acknowledgement implied by meds). But I no longer want to "suffer, victim"...even if that is still perhaps the most amazing document of ("my") illness I have ever read. I took Excedrin the moment I woke up to prove this to myself- (another breaking of habit)- along with alprazolam to combat the caffeine. And I'm going to go out with my parents today, and eat dinner out, at a sit-down place where I will order for myself.
All in all, I kick ass. Even though I also sort of feel like it right now. Stupid seasick headaches. Tonight, even if it requires getting out of bed to do so, I will take the migraine meds. Promise.
chord
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