11:09 p.m. - 04/19/03
are you sure where your *spark* is.
Brothers and card games and joking back and forth- taking down the reigning champ of verbal battary with my quick tongue. A call from the hospital I thought Dixie was in, a realization that she wasn't the one there (and the one there wasn't there for her own account, was not a patient.) A phone chat with the doctor, outside and partly in the rain; distracted to tears in sixty seconds. I love Sara, I can't keep her safe, I can't keep me safe if she is not ok. Him saying, "If you were a child and I were a parent, I'd tell you to stop saying all the reasons your life is so great, and start being more self-piteous." (That's not verbatim.) As opposed to the opposite switch, which children are often ordered to employ. Take the guilt down a notch and see how much I'm managing. Stop the shame regarding my inability to work magic: to bring back Tracy, to keep Sara safe. Have a safe trip. Can I talk to you while I'm there? Thursday at 3 / 2. Thanks. (And then again.) More games and brothers and tales of my victory. Distraction where attention cannot aid. Sleep instead of tears or maybe both. Sleep now and still love her in the morning. Love me in the morning. Still.
chord
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