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10:30 p.m. - 07/11/02 I know I need to call them, but I'm scared to do so. I always encourage everyone else to call, but I can't seem to do it with myself. I just can't think of a "safe" call: a person I feel comfortable talking with that I know I can catch. I wish I could talk with (yet another one) Sara, or Jen, or someone. I'm too obsessed with Brea to dare calling her in such a needy state. I'll get to it eventually, and I'll probably drop her a postcard from NYC but I just do't feel good about talking with her. I get scary-obsessive when I'm needy and neglected this wa, when I am vulnerable. But then - it WOULD be really nice to have a pre-NY talk with her again. I wonder - if I pull these Friendships off - how they will be. Sara didn't call. I went out with my parents, so I was kind of relieved I hadn't msised her. I hope she didn't just give up in the face of the eternal busy singal. I'm seriously relieved she didn't call because as weird as this sounds, I think not talking to me was probably taking care of herself. Since I'd already "approved" the call because as weird as this sounds, I think not talking to me was probably taking care of herself. Since I'd already "approveD" the call I doubt shame talked her out of it; I'd guess she just realized (as did I) that she needs more than the right now, and - her energy so exhausted from the struggle - postponed our little chat. I know it was good for me. I felt builty as hell not calling her, but a girl's got to follow her needs. Which leads me to the list of things I'm deciding to discuss (at the moment): -junior high television Hmm- thought there were more but with an entry or two a day, I shouldn't be surprised. Oh, dreams! I was going to (not) talk about dreams. Until I procrastinate another day- � � |