10:40 p.m. - 11/08/02
must. get. sleep.
extension of things I am too tired to write about (nightmares and stress do not make for sufficient REM):
-the compulsive shopping demon further exposed; how anger and shame and parental fuck-ups play in
-the anxiety that doesn't feel like my anxiety; the almost post-traumatic paranoia lately at my side
-adventures in science fiction and thoughts on college concentrations (yes, she may have a future after all)
-an (amusing!) OCD-ish anecdote
-increased urges to cut; not so much *wanting* to (though some of that) as finding myself halfway there and having to go, "hey! wait! don't make me clip those nails off!"
-codependency sucks
-I still miss Jenna
-tried to call RED yesterday to no avail; tried to call Sara yesterday to no avail; discharge anniversary is Sunday and I might very well not breathe
-still in need of help; still aware I am my own best hope
chordle
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