10:35 a.m. - 02/23/03
drive-by journaling.
Promises to me:
1.) I will talk when I see the doctor today. As in, I will *really* talk.
2.) I will care about me actively, including, "I will not be codependent."
3.) I will remember that eating disorder is a misnomer and that in actuality I have some sort of shame-control-abandonment-identity-inferiority-disorder, which I deserve help working with, too.
I was thinking about what disorder I actually have yesterday, and some sort of acronym is still in faded ink on my left hand. But there's another s than what I said just now, and I can't for the life of me think what it is. These are the sorts of things that keep me bothered, Pooh-bear style.
I just realized that I have to live in just over an hour for the doc, and that means that I really don't have time to be here writing what I meant to write. So, my life in ten minutes or less?
-Yesterday, my parents had three hours of therapy. My father seems a little bit less likely to turn into a mannequin now. I just hope the doctor has replenished enough energy to see me at one.
-During this time, I worked on a random art piece- tentatively titled "Be No Evil"- which I haven't given energy to, in oh- six months or so? It was good; I'd like to work on it again today. Maybe I'll write my easy paper, cancel school on the grounds of my birthday (I so can't take a physics test on my birthday), and take myself up on continuing.
-I also did some work on what will, if you know me somewhat, probably fill your inbox this morning. And if you don't tell me otherwise, I may continue to fill your inbox everyday for the next week. So do tell me if huge e-mail attachments are not on your list of fun things to deal with this week.
-I decided to enjoy my birthday. I decided that original-birthdays are about as accurate markers in life as the traditional "new year." I decided that I'm going to define growing older as being more and more comfortable with the parts of me that are kiddish. And I decided I'm going to make myself a security blanket to affirm all this. With yarn that I used more than any other kind while at Rogers. All of this feels good (or at least better) to me...
-I just received a very amusing monkey e-card from my sister. I'm glad I smacked (or rather petted) some sense into myself. Birthdays are *cool*, damnit.
Now I just need a good "eighteen" tune to replace Dancing Queen...*sigh* Dancing Queen has been fun.
chord
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