6:15 a.m. - 08/27/02
:i learned a lot from rainbow brite!:
Which Princess Bride Character are You?
this quiz was made by mysti
Eeeeeeeeep! I love her! She runs around the room screaming "Humperdink" to torture her husband-man, she stands up for the truth about the miracle, and she's altogether thoroughly amusing. This test is obviously completely accurate, and more importantly it makes me clam-levels of happy. I need that this early in the morning.
"This early" stems back to 4:30 when I woke up. It's actually daylight now. If I were able to open the blinds (I have a strong suspicion someone is sleeping on the couch, which prevents me from doing so) I would be muy grateful for this. I would also be muy grateful if I could find my glasses, which I left downstairs yesterday because they were broken (as in, *completely, undeniably, irreparably* broken) and wouldn't stay on. The, erm, "spines" (that term has completely escaped me) which hook the lenses to your ears, snapped off. They *both* snapped off. Completely. Which means yesterday, I had the very innovative but not exactly functional solution of having thread "spines" tied into my hair. Today I have an eye doctor appointment, and I get to see the rich optometry people laugh at this. Waah.
So it's obvious that I'm in school. I would not be up this early if I were not in school. And I really *thought* I'd be able to sleep through the night this year. I hope it wears off fairly soon; I can't deal with insomnia, though I honestly do prefer it to narcolepsy. Mistrandy came yesterday, and it was fun to see her, even though I ended up really shamed. Weird and probably more school-related than anything else. I felt like I'd said all kinds of weird and stupid things. There are very few people I feel bad about saying illness/recovery-related things to; she is usually one of them. I need to learn to think before I speak again. I'm usually *overly* good at this, but I'm so starved for people to talk to, that I run at the mouth a little when she's here. I will get a hold of it. And when I can't I *will* get a hold the shame that courses following.
The atomgirl-move is taking forever mostly because I never work on it. *sigh* The layout there is very simple, but it has me disillusioned with the one here. I want to move now! and I could, except I'd whine then, too...because I want to do this "right" instead of quickly. Actually I want to do this quickly, also right.
Where am I? Oh, yes, Mistrandy came yesterday and brought with her far more textbooks than I've seen in one time for many a month. I stared at them a little, I think. Two govt textbooks, one history (you try keeping american history text and american government text straight; you just *try*), one "fashion strategies" (which she confirmed is just cutting out photographs from magazines and turning them in- though my teacher is new, so we don't know for sure), one physics, one psych, one sci fi, (yes I'm taking sci fi, time I experienced something beyond madeline l'engle; my geekness is *so* underdeveloped) and a creative writing text yet to be discovered. Which is a lot when one's junior year consisted of an English class deserving of quotation marks (it was my "English class") and a math course you'd already taken. Eeep. And as fun as the first night's work is, it's even more fun when your glasses keep falling off, and you have to try and read with a double monocle (bicle?) ... I could have seized the excuse to not to do anything, but working helps quell my anxiety this early in the game, and Mistrandy said something that made me think she's just a little uncertain I'm going to pull off this work load, so of course I intend to have finished the first semester by Wednesday. (No, really, I have very realistic goals. But they come from that "I'll *prove* it!" desire.)
I worked on either history or government (I still don't know which) last night, plus some definitions for the sci fi course. It's been a long time since I felt my schoolwork was as worthless as I did last night. At one point I looked up from behind the fortress of books (my dad was playing polkas; a fortress was necessary) and asked my parents, "Is it just me? Or is there little more pointless than looking up 'denotation' in a dictonary?" Perhaps looking up denotation for the third year in a row. I finally gave up on following the instructions and just wrote the definitions myself. (We were supposed to put dictionary defintions into our own words. Meh. If I have to prove I know what "foreshadowing" is *one more time*...) It was extra fun because the second half (oh, yes, *two* halves) said, "these are terms you should already know" which of course made me wonder *why* I was looking them up in the dictionary. I know them. You expect me to know them. I'm studying them *why?* And then I got to write out state capitols and nicknames, a task that neither of my social studies textbooks could finish without aid of Internet. brargh.
I'm not sure if N*land was not so bad as this or if I just have an outsider's perspective of the school here, but the program is, at this point, completely worthless. I've looked at the lesson plans. I'm not learning anything. I'm copying things from a printed page to a handwritten one. Have they lost sight of the fact that politics is actually interesting? Dramatic, even? It's going to be a great deal easier to fill my days now, but a lot less fulfilling come the end of them. Somehow, going on bike rides and reading Dickens feels more educational than this. I need some Gina Young.
Of course, consistent with my general ambiguity, I am very scared I'm not going to be able to handle my AP Pysch class. Despite the fact that I've read nothing but fiction and psych books for the past say twelve-hundred years. Despite the fact that I *live* in a psychology-infiltrated universe. Scratch that. I live in a psychology-centered universe. Every part of my world has its basis in psychology and is either communicated or approached from a *perspective* based in psychology. Despite this, I'm afraid. Because my AP Psych teacher (despite the fact that are moms are friends; oh, let's have a goddamn tea party, shall we?) tried really hard to not let a homebound student (aka me) take this course, I feel very much required to prove myself to her. Which would be fine except my history in AP courses (anyone remember AP Euro? the course that left treadmarks on the sloppy gray matter of my brain?) makes me think I'll fail to prove my worth in this regard. I should do the first assignments today (they required relative more reading than my other assignments - of course, it's AP - and I had little vision to speak of.
I could make some comment now about how my insight is ever-so-developed due to my lacking eyesight, but then, wouldn't it just be nicer to try and sleep *just a little* before the eye appointment which my mom of course scheduled for ten in the morning? (Meaning we have to leave by 9:15- 9:30 and it's almost 7 now...) Nice...
P.S. If I were still a person who needed kind words from others to know I exist, I would very much know that right now. I'm not so much that person anymore, which is only to say that I can dwell in them without the pain of *constantly needing* them, and therefore am very very grateful to all of you for you konw, everything. Insert spiffy Emily quote here.
P.P.S. remind me to tell you about the person sleeping on my couch.
chord <--who likes to put her postscripts pre-sig
"can't someone help me/ I've got to cheat on my test/ plagiarize my answers/ so that they'll be the best/ who do we do this for anyway?/ in my world I do nothing but create and play/ school is not fair and school is not love/ boning up on history you wrote me out of/ school is not fair and schools is not love/ boning up on history you wrote me out of..." -gy
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