9:10 p.m. - 12/18/01
"there's no! such <-thing as -<-inexplicable.|"
At the risk of sounding extremely pathetic - what I really, honestly want is to go somewhere where *I'm* wanted. Needed, even. I mean, I'd like to think that I'm tolerable, that it wouldn't be a *completely* awful thing for someone to house the body that houses the spirit that I generally refer to as me...but it would just be so *nice* to have someone come up to me, brush this brown frizz behind my ear with their fingers and say, "It'd be so great for me if you'd come and stay with me."
I don't know how to feel - I'm just weak-bodied and lost...if I speak the world will break; if I stay silent, it might crush me. Thousands of girlbeings grow in households so much worse than this - how, how, how do you make this kind of decision?
My Christmas wish is to find someone who can hug me until I fall asleep and will still be there, calm & somewhat healthy, when I wake up...
It's the season of miracles, right?
chord
"And it's almost like a corny movie scene/ But I'm out of frame and the lighting's bad/ And the music has no theme/ And we're all so strong when nothing's wrong/ And the world is at our feet/ But how small we are when our love is far away/ And all you need is you..."
-Ks Choice "20,000 Seconds"
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